I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize