I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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