are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
