i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
