so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
