i would punch a child for taco bell
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
