Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
