Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
