Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
