I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
