Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My vagina just recognized that song.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
