pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
