He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ok first of all what the fuck
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
