No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
