i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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