He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize