definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
