I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
