But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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