On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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