do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
