i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
