Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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