My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
