What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
