well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
