When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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