No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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