Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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