I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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