I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
