So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So many bounce houses so little time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
