Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
