im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
