her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
