This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
