my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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