new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
