you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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