What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
