My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
