first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize