PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
