I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
