Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
