I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
