I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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