i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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