If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I still have a little drunk in my system
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
