I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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