Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
