drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
