Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
