you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
