Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
