Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
