Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
