Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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