i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize