I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
