NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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