My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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