i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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