I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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