Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
