I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i think i just lost a toe
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
